Condoms
by KamiReign
Summary: Even the Ikebukuro's most awesome swag informant is also watching videos on youtube and visits anime sites.
1. Chapter 1

If you're curious about what Izaya did watch

www. youtube .com/watch?v=c6Gy0wIGPAE

There~

And the picture thing

www. zerochan. net/644696

JUST REMOVE THE SPACES PLS

/000/

"Look Namie-san. I found this video on you tube. And somehow I can find this hilarious for some reason."

Namie who was busy arranging flock of files looked to Izaya.

"You're like a kid… can you just continue doing your work? That yakuza guy just called you didn't he?"

Izaya spun his chair.

"Ahh? Akabayashi-san? That can do later! Anyway! NAMIE-SAN! Watch this!"

Namie sighed.

"You're already an old geezer… see? You're already 27… stop spending your break time on watching worthless videos…"

"27 you say?" Izaya stopped spinning his chair and looked down.

"Namie-san…" his tone started to change into a scary one. Namie looked but didn't notice the change on his tone.

"I will give you two options."

It's either you will watch this OR I will tell Harima Mika to marry your little brother. And~ to celebrate it, you will cook Hotpot for them."

Izaya's look was serious then he glared to his busy secretary. "I can do that… one flick of my finger will finish your lovely fairy tale w/ Yagiri Seiji."

Namie swallowed a lump…

"I have my laptop here… send me the link."

"Ahahahaha!"

**After a minute…**

"What's so funny about this?" namie looked bored

"Eh~ don't you get it? It's shizu-chan that I just cuddled! Bahahahaha!"

Namie sighed. "Just don't try doing it… or else… I'll kill you…"

"Sure~ sure~ your fairy tale will continue for sure~" Izaya chuckled

"And mine… will never end…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh… shit…" Izaya covered his mouth.

"What now?" Namie walked to him…

"This picture… is… sexy…"

Namie pushed Izaya and looked to his computer leaning her face to the screen.

"W-who did this?"

Izaya stood up. "Who knows, I'm just exploring images and I found that."

"I wish that's seiji below me."

"Pffffft!"

**Outside the apartment…**

"Achoo!"

"Ohh? What's wrong Shizuo? Got a cold?

"Ehh…ahh, think so." He sniffed.

Both walked. Shizuo was behind tom following him like a bodyguard.

"Tom-san… I need to visit somebody today. Can I go home early?" tom stopped walking and turned to shizuo.

"Sure… you're unexpected though. But who's this person your going to visit?"

"Ahh… a flea living in an apartment."

Tom widened his eyes. "I… see…"

They continued to walk

/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

"I'M STARTING TO GET BORED!" Izaya shouted after turning off his pc.

Namie ignored Izaya this time.

"Ah~ hotpot~ hotpot! Hotpot! Hotpot! Hotpot!" Izaya said as he spin his chair.

"I wanna have hotpot tonight so firkin bad~" he sung

"Oh yeah… yeah! Aha! I know you love me! I know you care! And hotpot ever! I know you there!~!~!~!"

"Oh damnit. I'm going to make your dinner so shut the fuck up!"

Namie finally snapped and went to the kitchen.

"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! OHH! I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE 'BUKURO OHH!~!" he continued to sang. But Izaya almost fell from his chair when he heard a plate that crashed.

"Shut the fuck up!"

He heard his secretary from the kitchen.

"Oopsie doopsie~!" he chuckled…

"LOVE YA NAMIE-SAN~ add some beef there please~ nee~!" he cheered… but he heard no response.

He stood up and stretched and not long after. He heard Namie going out from the kitchen w/ a plate on her hand.

"That was fast." He clapped. Then namie opened the dish and almost shoved it to Izaya.

"The….. hell…. Is this…?"

"Tuna." Namie mocked, she then placed the food on his desk.

"I'll be going then. Something just came up. She walked away.

"Wait." Izaya said, namie looked.

"You think… I'll let you go w/ this?" he grabbed the food.

"This is A TUNA! I told you to cook hotpot for me darn it!" 

Namie looked away and laughed.

"Stop acting like a child and learn to cook food on your own." She grabbed her bag ready to go out. But was stopped when Izaya suddenly pulled her and they both fell in the sofa.

"Ah!"

Izaya was smiling. "You're being absurd namie-san.

Namie was restrained by izaya's hands. And for some reason, she can't take her eyes off to this man.

"Namie-san." Izaya said softly. And namie waited for an answer. And her expression was the same to the picture Izaya found on the internet.

"This is the exact thing from that picture. Right?" he said.

"Except for my expression. Because I'm not really expecting you to stare at me like that."

"Just… let go of me…"

"Not yet~" he chuckled.

"Or do you have an interest to someone like me?" Namie said daring.

"Hm? Sorry, but I already have someone~! I'm taken~"

Izaya leaned closer too namie's face almost like kissing her. "And it's-"

"Flea?" shizuo entered the room and saw them.

"What the fuck is this?"

Izaya gasped… "Shi-shizu-chan!"

"What a timing Heiwajima." Namie patted izaya's head."

"He was just asking mw to have sex w/ him…" namie smiled

"Thanks for appearing. I also wanted him to stop but he's pushing me~"

Shizuo looked to Izaya.

"Fuck… you flea."

And he ran to the door.

"Ahh! W-what the! Shizu-chan! D-don't go! Ahh! Noo!"

Namie laughed on top of her lungs.

"That's the price for harassing me… bye bye! I-ZA-YA-KUN."

Namie also ran leaving Izaya on the sofa. Clueless on what will he do next.

"Haha… she owned me in real life like she did on that video… that bitch."

He said sarcastically.


	3. Chapter 3

Izaya followed Shizuo through his apartment, by chasing him.

"Shizu-chan! Wait! I… I can explain!"

Shizuo continued to run ignoring izaya's voice.

"W-wait! Please! Wait for mehh!"

Shizuo surprisingly stopped. And Izaya took that opportunity to catch his breath.

"Hah…ah…hahh…shizu-chan. Hahh… that bitch… hahh.. did it on purpose."

Shizuo turned to him.

"You mean…" he glared "You did it on purpose, flea."

Izaya continued to pant.

"Ah? Hahh… I told you! I have no interest on that bitch! Shizu-chan! I only have one on my heart and… hahh… it's you, shizu-chan…" he said softly, smiling.

Shizuo looked down.

"then… what the hell is that I saw?"

Izaya walked closer to him.

"Shizu-chan… that… ah…uh… because, it's like. She's my. How do I put it? Ah! She's like my sex toy!"

Shizuo gripped his hands.

"To practice-"

Izaya was not finish talking but his shizu-chan already ran away from him.

"My moves on you…" he said in a low voice.

Izaya scratched his head.

"Ahh! It's not like I'm having sex w/ her damn it! I'm just practicing my fucking moves for moods!"

Izaya ran again chasing the jealous monster of 'bukuro.

Izaya sighed.

Shizuo completely locked himself to his own room…

"Now, what to do…?" Izaya thought hard…

"Hmm… ahh! I know…" he chuckled.

"Hey flea… go away, I might just kill you anyway."

From outside a beautiful voice was heard, and it was izaya's…

"**Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfoldin'. Our love that will never be or maybe… be everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to passin'. I wonder if maybe or maybe I could be everything you've ever dreamed.**

**Coz you are beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I don anything w/out you are. And when I'm not w/ you I know that it's true that I'd rather be anywhere but here w/out you ** **"**

Izaya heard Shizuo removing the look to his door then he opened it.

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya smiled

Shizuo was still annoyed, obviously on the look of his face.

"Izaya…" he said seriously…

"Hm?"

Shizuo paused then started rapping.

"**I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
>You gave me hate see?<br>It saved me and these tears are deadly.  
>You feel that?<br>I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.  
>You feel bad?<br>You feel sad?  
>Im sorry hell no fuck that!<br>It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.  
>This strife it dies, this life and these lies.<br>These lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt to remember I loved you!"**

Shizuo grabbed Izaya and cornered him to the wall then he continued.

"**I wish I could have quit you  
>I wish I never missed you and told you that I loved you every time I fucked you!<br>The future that we both drew and all the shit we've been through  
>Obsessed with the thought of you the pain just grew and grew!<br>How could you do this too me  
>Look at what I made for you it never was enough and the world is what I gave you<br>I used to be love struck and now I'm just fucked up  
>Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!"<strong>

Izaya widened his eyes…

"Shi-shizu-chan…?"

"Don't ever do that again louse… or else I'll fuck you so hard that you'll die w/ your ass open wide."

Izaya gulped. "Y-yes sir… and uhh, is that 'black dahlia your singing?"

"Yeah… found it on **youtube**."

"Pff…. Ahahahahahaha!"

**END**

The one that Izaya sang you can hear it here www. myspace. Com /safetysuit /music /songs/ anywhere-but-here-173419

And the black dahlia by Hollywood undead

www. youtube. com/ watch?v=9rygykyqN4E (FULL LYRICS)

www. youtube. com/ watch?v=u8U8hNpi0aw (WITH VIDEO)

MINNA! DON'T 4GET TO REMOVE THE SPACES… ENJOY!


End file.
